Amen

Just snapped this. Perfect theme for my day today.

It's on!

Next Time I'll Have My Drunk Friends Cut It.

I can't even begin to discuss the horrific haircut I got from someone who called themselves a stylist. If you could sue for bad haircuts- I'd have already hired a lawyer and be at the Supreme Court getting this crap-ass "stylist" thrown in the slammer.

Two words to describe the disaster?

Lawn & mower.

Yep. 

Well- it's a god thing hair grows back. I guess I'll just have to celebrate my freakness for the next, oh- 6 months.

Good times.

To lighten the mood/moment/disaster- I wanted to share this photo I took of my friends little boy tonight. She, the kids and I had a date. His shirt was perfectly timed for me when I walked up the stairs to meet them. Nothing cures the misery of a tragic haircut like a couple of cute kids, picking flowers and skipping with them and scarfing some pizza and ice cream.

Response

You know those overly presumptuous and annoying questions that people often ask that make you stand there and think: Really?- can't you come up with a more creative question? There are SO many more things to life than marriage, Mcmansions and 2.5 kids. (Yeah, yeah, easy general chatter- I get it.) Why have you never asked me what my favorite color or food is? What sport I like? Where do I like to travel? What news/magazines do I read? 

I often wish people stepped out of the daily robotic routine to allow their minds to see more color or flavor for a minute or two. Then they might ask about something that would allow them to learn about what kind of a person I am. (Or any of us for that matter.) 

One of the favorites that myself and a lot of my girlfriends (who are single and married find odd that complete and total strangers ask:

"So when are you going to have kids? I mean- you do want kids...don't you?

After laughing at the many options with my no babies yet, but sure maybe in the future gal pals- we have come up with a good and completely honest response:

"You know, I'm just not sure yet- but I'll let you know when I start worrying about my vagina as much as you are. Thanks for asking though!"

Somehow this kind of response stops all those other "small talk" questions from being asked. You know- the ones we all despise scrambling to come up with the "right" answer for on the spot.

By the way; My favorite color is all of them, my food obsession as of today is fresh toasted French baguette, topped with hot house tomatoes that have been soaked in evoo with balsamic vinegar, sea salt and black pepper, and my vagina is currently spectacular. 

Ahhh...just living the good life.

Spring Snowstorm- Day 2

Yep- the sis sent this photo this morning. Again, of her parking lot at her apt. in Vermont.

Yuck.

I'd be fast packing my bags and getting the heck out of there. It's almost May for pete's sake!

Um- Are You Kidding Me?

It's April 27th and my sister just sent this photo to me this morning. Yes- that's her car, in Vermont- as in, today.

Spring time snow-fest. Yuck.

I love you Vermont, but I am oh so glad I moved away years ago. I'm typing here now with my morning coffee looking at the sunshine with my apt. doors wide open.

Hang in there kid. Spring will have to spring for you soon enough. (I hope before I get there! Brrr!)

A Little More Than Vanilla

A friend sent this to me a few weeks ago. Probably because I am constantly celebrating my tool-ness and encouraging he and others to do the same. 

It's a shame the below is true, but all the more reason for each of us to own who we are and only be worried about flying whatever flag works for us- not someone else.

“I think that the human mind is unique among all other forms of life in that it can spontaneously create unique thoughts and provide unique behaviors. Instead of rewarding that uniqueness we, for some reason probably because of cultural and social necessity, we chastise unique behavior and reward conformity.”

"Protection"?

I can see it now- the newest Tampax Tampons ad campaign; To Protect and Serve. 

Ha!

So this was the typical sign in a women's public bathroom stall I was in yesterday while shopping.

Ladies- do these little signs crack you up as much as they do me? The things some places come up with! I have seen everything from; "feminine hygiene" to "feminine needs" to "protection" to "personal female items" and on and on.

(Ear muffs gents...)

Um, why don't they just say: "Put your pads and tampons in here please." I mean- hello! We don't need code or dainty words to know what that little silver swingy trash can built into the wall thing is- we've seen it a million times.

Oh the things in a day that entertain me.

Busy busy...

I love the fact that there are some great people in my life and readers here that worry if I am Ok if I disappear here for a day or two...

Oh how good I am Steve- just busy living it up on some weekend adventures and playing outside...

More soon...

Cheers to Sunday Funday! Wahoo!

Love Our Planet

Happy Earth Day everyone!

I have just run around my office on my soap box telling everyone ways to save $ and the planet from small everyday conscious efforts. So fun. I love geeking out about this stuff. I have sent someone out to do an experiment and will be back in touch with the results...

With You On This One Drunken Gnome

I've recently come in contact with and author who has the most hilarious blog. (I wrote about her a couple weeks ago.) Hers is the first blog I have officially become a follower of. I had to. It's that funny. If you haven't looked at; Things I Want To Punch in The Face, yet- do it and get ready to laugh your arse off.

The following is #2 from todays entry; The drunken gnome's punch list. People ranting honestly are like the funniest thing ever:

"People who can't handle real life. Don't complain to me about how hard your life is when you planned on having kids, a mortgage, a car payment, cable, a fancy new phone, and can't pay the bills or feed your family. Get a job or stop drinking at the bar every night. Shut the fuck up. We all have bills."

Fly That Flag

I walked by this bumper sticker plastered on the drivers-side door of a car last week.

It's so refreshing to see people owning who they are.

Funny too.

Albert Einstein

"I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right."

Get Outside And Play

It's National Park Week. That's right- MORE free stuff!

From April 17th-25th entrance to ALL 392 National Parks is free. Considering a lot of these spots are at least $20-$30 to get in on a regular day, this is a super deal. An idea as wedding season is coming up; I am all about an annual National Park Pass as a gift to encourage any new couple to explore our wide open incredible country together. There's just nothing like standing under the Delicate Arch, going whitewater rafting through the Grand Canyon, or hiking Half Dome at Yosemite. (Check, check, check.) I mean 392 National Parks to explore and learn about?! What are we all waiting for?!

Sigh, this so makes me miss the open road and long for more 3 month cross-country road trips. There's no better way to spend a few months in America in the spring or summer that trekking across our lands playing in nature. 

Get out and enjoy a freebie this week and get yourself all fired up for that longer adventure this summer. I'll see you around the National Park circuit. 

Here's to the open road!!!

Better Than A Fortune Cookie

For every schmuck out there, I truly believe there are double the amounts of ridiculously amazing, brilliant, genuine, honest and fun people. Even better when you meet those people who blindside you. (As in- you constantly scratch your head and think to yourself); I wouldn't have believed for 6 million bucks, that there was anywhere near that much complete and utter awesomeness in that person. 

And then you are consistently and constantly pleasantly surprised. 

That makes me very happy. That's my friend Greg.

The lesson here?

Give everyone a chance. Open yourself up to a complete stranger or someone who might look like they live in a totally different universe than you. It's baffling to me how the same we all are and how much greatness is inside so many people out there that you'd never expect. When your world collides with someone who blindsides you in this fantastic way, you get these giant blinking billboard moments that scream to you that your path is exactly what is supposed to be and there's no such thing as a mistake or luck.

Greg,

I cannot thank you enough. How will I ever compete with that piece of mail? Just awesome. You are a diamond that's been hiding in the rough for sure. I am so, so happy for you for jumping into what you want like I have seen nobody before. Can't wait for the next picture from the top of another snowy mountain or beach in the Cayman Islands. Get it!

I'm thinking that YOU might be the one that's the Roadrunner...

More Free Stuff!

Don't forget to stop for your free coffee this morning at Starbucks- just bring your own mug. Free "Fryday" tomorrow at Jack in the Box. DQ is handing out free ice cream samples (yum. I'm liking this one.) Subway is buy one get one free today, I've even seen info. about discounts at sex shops. Nice to see there's something for everyone. (Hee hee...I'm giggling...)

There are freebies everywhere, just keep looking around today. We'll all just have to drink water and eat apples and carrots for the next week to make up for the delicious freebie tax day sugar and fat binge.

I had an apple already this morning, so now I'm on my way to round off breakfast with ice cream and coffee...

HOLY FREE STUFF TOMORROW!

Tax day giveaways! YEAH.

That's right. Check out this insane good list of noshing freebies. Just don't get too crazy. If you ate all the deliciousness on this list you might be on a sugar high for the next 20 days.

My favorite; FREE COFFEE AT STARBUCKS ALL DAY TOMORROW. Love that. Bring your own cup (which you should always do anyway, check this out) and free joe for you on the way to the post office with all the rest of us procrastinators (yeah, I'm last minute Mary too. I just finished Turbo-Taxing up.)

I love free stuff, I love saving the planet and I REALLY love those occasional years you luck out and get a few bucks back from the government. 

What Life Looks Like...

...when you're scraping by waiting for payday and commissions to come in and keeping yourself in financial jail so you can pay off debt. It's a bit stressful, but it's also a fun and good game of growth and responsibility. Sure I had a tad bit o' bad luck on 2009, but ultimately I made the choices I did so I have to own them and dig out.

I'm digging and life is gooooood.

I've always been pretty good at finagling, but damn I have gotten really good lately trucking on fumes. I'm keeping notes as I always have. They'll be put to good use someday when I write my book or next blog titled; "Tips on somehow managing to live it up, have a blast and pay down insane amounts of debt when your W-2's only read $6,319.57 from last year."

Fun Job= Naming Streets

Of course I stopped to take a picture of this street I passed this morning. It was too funny to just drive on by.

I bet it's interesting for the ladies who live here to answer the; "Where do you live?"- question. I mean, who wouldn't crack a joke about the girl who lives down Hussey Lane?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KID!

Wahoo! Today is my kid sisters 25th bday. She is about 6 million times cuter and cooler than I am so I had to give a shout out here. (This is her laughing her a** off in a coffee shop with me a while ago. We act like idiots together a lot. It's so much fun.)

Sorry I'm not there to whoop it up with you today kid-thrilla, but Vermonster next month- here we come! Oh yeah...

Kid Attitude

I took this photo of my friends little girl Ali around the holidays a few months ago. She is a sweetie and always well-behaved, that's why this particular photo is so funny. You can almost hear inside her adorable tiny noggin; "Bitch please" and "Whatev Mom and Dad."

Hilarious.

I love cute kid pix.

And This Makes 500

Today, April 8th is One Day Without Shoes. People all over are taking the day to go barefoot to raise awareness of all the children growing up without shoes in developing countries. I have written about TOMS before, and I am loving writing about the company again. TOMS is a perfect combination of how a company can be corporate, sustainable and socially conscious. What a fantastic example for young entrepreneurs Blake Mycoskie has made.

This is a perfect story for my 500th post today. Time sure has flown by.

Here's to celebrating that by giving, you always end up getting so much more and if you believe in something enough, work your butt off to build it (with good intention) it will come.

What's Good For The Goose...

Why is it Ok for people to say things like; "Oh you can afford to eat that- you are a skinny mini" or "Whatever...you're lucky because you are so tiny" and totally offend people like me, but god forbid we all turned to those who make offensive skinny comments and make a comment about them being fat.

This kills me.

For any of you who might have a hard time understanding my point, compare it to this:

It's college graduation day and there you are with well-deserved and earned smiles wide and proud because; YOU DID IT! Those long nights of studying, tough exams, no sleep for 3 days every few months because you had to finish that term paper, walking to class in sub-zero temps or drenched from rain because you don't have a car and 4 straight years of eating nothing but microwave mac and yack and ramen noodles because holy sh*t how were you ever going to repay all these college loans?

You get your diploma and are flying high. Later that day someone says to you; "You are so lucky."

You then want to punch them in the face because you wonder if by lucky they mean being broke as a joke for 4 years and beyond, exhausted, stressed, confused, working your a** off, trying to understand how to live on your own without mom and dad and all those other things that come for so many people who chose to do something like earning an education to try and make a better life.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel when people make the skinny comments to me often. Funny thing is, I am not even that skinny, in fact, according to health news and some research I have done I am actually over weight by a few pounds for my height. (I am 5' 3" and currently around 128lbs.) I guess the majority of the population is so obese that someone my size seems skinny. That's insane.

On days like this one when I drag my "skinny" ass out of bed by 6am so I have enough time to run my morning hills and stairs before speeding to an early morning work meeting, then to get a gazillion things done in the office, then after work do something like meet a friend for a trail run or do sets of push-ups, crunches, etc. so that when I sometimes eat those things that maybe aren't the healthiest ever or drink a beer I won't become as huge as a house or my heart won't fail by the age of 40, maybe I forget how "lucky" I am to be so "skinny" because I am too exhausted to think about it.

If busting your ass at things and trying to maintain, being honest, dealing with the garbage that life often drops in your lap and owning your past, your demons and keeping a positive attitude through it all makes you "lucky", then slap me silly I am one lucky chick. 

I am so lucky that I don't want anyone to be surprised if I start responding to rude and assumptive comments people make with something along the lines of; "Yep, you're right. I can eat this triple chocolate cake and love every minute of it. Sorry if you feel bad about yourself and are somehow jealous of me because you are fat and I am not. I have earned every once of my "skinny" and I don't feel bad about it one bit."

...is good for the gander- right?

The truth is not mean. It's the truth.

Nice Wrap Job

I had to snap a photo of this truck in my hood last week. Someone got this guy sooooo good. Hilarious.

When I saw this, some funny high school memories came back to me. Back in the day, a bunch of girls and I had car wars that looked similar to this with all the boys we wanted to flirt with that were older than us. (Oh to be hormonal teenagers and try and get boys attention.)

Of course supplies for our car wars included Saran Wrap too, but also some of the following:

Bras

Ketchup

Molasses 

Maple syrup

Tampons

Mxi pads

Shaving cream

Toilet paper

Eggs

Butter

... (Use your imagination. We did it all.)

I'm not sure any of the cute boys fell in love with us at the time, but they did end up "winning" the war after a few weeks of back and forth. My car ended up the victim. I found out the hard way that it's impossible to get Crisco off your windshield unless you have 4 hours to spend scrubbing it or have some kind of magic cleaner. That and I should've never thought to turn on my wipers. Driving to the car wash that day I looked like Jim Carey in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Oh the fun times.

Hope this guy didn't find any Crisco underneath his Saran "wrap." HA!

In Addition To...

...being in love with the weather man today, I am now officially in love with this blog; Things I Want To Punch In The Face. 

It's freaking riot and what a great title.

I want to add to her list; Pleated dress pants on men. (Random insert- I know, but a gent just walked by me with some on.) UGH. Guys- come on already. Two words; flat front!

I found this funny chica in an email that I screeched after reading this morning. Good stuff keeps coming...somebody pinch me. 2010 is shaping up to be one ass-kicking year and it's only month 4. I like it.

I'm In Love With The Weather Man

He just said it's going to be 92 and sunny the next two days. YESSSSSS!

I'm screeching with delight. If I never saw a flake of snow again or temperature under 70 degrees be just fine.

Thanks Mr. Forecast. I love you.

I Chose The Lager

...well, first anyway (see below) then I had some pilsner.

My Vinyl, the spring seasonal brew from the one and only Magic Hat was cold and delicious. I love this brewery and not just because I was born in the Green Mountain State. The Magic Hat peeps and all that come with the company it are totally un-average and perfectly quirky. (You should visit the actual brewery in South B-town, VT- it's awesomely odd.)

Yummy beer, outside work meetings, a baseball game with lawn seats and good friends, my most favorite ever Cadbury mini eggs (sent via snail mail from my Grandparents who never forget) for a flawless yet half-melted and broken desert after my traditional Mexican food bunny day dinner and a near 90 degree few day stretch? Now that's what I call the right way to begin an April. This girl is one happy spring chicken.

City Girl Meets Hippie Chick

Ahhh, spring has sprung. It's 83 and sunny today. (Insert content sighs and distant daydreams of all the fun outdoor activities to come...)

On my way into the office I passed by the cutest little hippie chick with LONG dreadlocks. She was standing in a grassy median on a beautiful street in my current city just hula hoopin' away,totally happy, all alone, not a care in the world- just loving being out in the sunshine. Awesomeness. I love coming across people like this who own who they are/what they do and could care less if anyone is watching or not. 

As I just Googled "hula hoop", to my pleasant surprise this website popped up. There's the photo of the day with more peeps just livin' it up and hoppin' happily, in the snow even! They just so happen to fit the exact vibe of todays chica I am writing about and they're back in Vermont, my birth state too. 

This all made me think; No matter how many cities I live in, how much glitter I wear and even though I'm a sucker for tall buildings, bright lights and complete chaos, I will always be that same (as many people tease me lovingly) "Friggin' Vermont Hippie" sorta like these peeps. Thankfully something as simple as a sight on a drive to work can make me instantly channel my chill, earth, peace-lovin' roots and appreciate where I came from. I should grow some good dreads to sport with my heels so I can show on the outside what I feel on the inside. It'd be like two great and opposite worlds colliding in harmony. I like the sounds of that.

I love spring and all the things that come along with it.

I Hate to run, but I have a date with a patio at an ale house. Man life is hard when it's 83 and sunny and my toughest decision during my afternoon work meeting with my sweet job is pilsner or lager...

This One Made Me Giggle

Just sounds funny. Word of the day:

Hugger-mugger \HUH-guhr-muh-guhr\, noun:

1. A disorderly jumble; muddle; confusion.
2. Secrecy; concealment.