From A Confederate

Below is an email sent to me by a perfect stranger who became a follower here. Someone I met via email with work I do and then happened to be lucky enough to meet in person about a week ago. I wanted to share this with you because of those times we all have when we think our words or actions don't matter or that they might go unnoticed- we couldn't be more wrong. Someone, somewhere is watching. 

Thanks B. Having someone like you who has lived and experienced many more years than me write this- certainly means a lot. It's especially great to know that we all can relate to each other because we all have our own rocky roads. Life is oh so good- isn't it? Don't you worry. I will never stop believing it's all possible. Glad you're a fellow walker down the Blue Lollipop Road.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Damn girl, you are good! No matter how hard we try, no matter how caring we are, no matter the depth of our acquired knowledge and skills as we learn about this rather bizarre planet, sometimes it just seems to rain ferrets.

For days on end, f'ing ferrets. 

After reading portions of BLR over the past couple of weeks, I flashed back to times and people I have known - good people with fire in their eyes and that desire to see and do it all - who have been caught in multiple ferret storms. (A few they conjured up themselves:) Some went down. Many changed to a safer course. After the clouds lifted a few emerged stronger, more than just survivors, still on course. They became hope for us all. I decided then you were one of those.

Nothing I saw Friday night of you doing-what-needed-to-be-done changed my mind. But I worried. You all worked your asses off to make a great Wilmington evening that would not have otherwise happened. I hoped then that the lack of a sell-out would not dishearten. I was already concerned for my Richmond transplant (and honorary Virginian) when I thought of her sitting in a furniture-less apartment, broke, with a mouthful of gummy mac 'n cheese. The halfway through "Bring It" I cringed; "holy shit," I thought, "what next?" Then Diane reappeared, laughing. Then, "Chillin," she demonstrated the considerable power that comes from whatever is the inverse of "kick, scream, cry and fight." No, the externals still may not be "absolutely perfect," but the internals are close. I really admire those internals.

So happy Tuesday Diane. Things will be better. Probably uneven, but still better. You have confederates along the Blue Lollipop Road, some you barely know.

Getting In The Halloween Spirit...

...here's a good word for the day: 

Tenebrous:

TEN-uh-bruhs\, adjective:

Dark; gloomy.

Mwah-ahh-ahhhhh...

National Chocolate Day

Declared by the National Confectioners Association; today is National Chocolate Day. A holiday for chocolate?! Love that. Twist my arm- I'll have some please. How could I, the everyday eating, can't shut up about chocolate-loving girl have not known about this until now? I would've had a sweet soiree planned if I did. There's always tomorrow. Every day is a chocolate celebration for me.

Here's some information on the health benefits chocolate- (You know I had to throw some good reasons to eat my favorite stuff in here) so make sure your well-balanced diet of fruits and veggies include something chocolate. That and a glass of red one and BAM! You're the pillar of health.

Do you think there's some irony in me deciding to call South n' France out of nowhere yesterday and just happened to set up a meeting with them for today? I can't wait. What serendipitous timing.

Off to eat a bon bon or twelve...

Be Good

I got an email from an older, wiser and much more experienced person than I about our company/events we have done recently and a portion of it said the following:

"No one will hire you because you are rich- they will hire you because you do good work."

When you're in your younger professional years, hungry for success and still believe in "old-fashioned" stuff like being an honest and hard working person- in 2009 you sometimes find yourself feeling a bit crazy, like you're living in the twilight zone or that you're out-dated because apparently "things are different these days." 

What does that mean? We are supposed to be lazy and entitled? Hmmm....

Thankfully the combination of wonderful friends, family and a random email like the above from a professional who's been around the block and then some in the business world- pop into the inbox to help give that little push to a young professional so they will keep believing that yes indeed, doing good work means everything. 

Thanks M.W. Glad we snubbed you first (HA!) so you'd ask us why and the conversations could start. Now we can be friends and do good work together. Everything really does happen for a reason.

Sugary Oink Oink

I just heard the average American eats 12 pounds of chocolate a year. Come on people! Open up and say ahh. We have some catching up to do! The Swiss are putting us to shame eating double that per year. I must have some serious Swiss blood in me because I easily eat 50 pounds of the sweet stuff a year all by myself. 

I never met a chocolate I didn't like. I'm not sure about chocolate covered bacon though. Ok, ok I lie. I've said even if chocolate was on a sock and I would eat it, so hats off to you for creativity Vosges. I guess I'll have to try this stuff with my pancakes some morning.

Chillin'

Sitting here this morning working on a productive start to the week and thinking about my last post about the piles of, well- lets call them challenges that have been going on in my life this year, I have never been happier or felt more positive about things. Isn't it weird how that works? Perhaps it's something about getting older, feeling more at ease and peace with things and really understanding that you can't control everything. People have told me to relax my whole life and while I've tried, I've never been a bit good at it until now. 

Boy have I been missing out. 

For all of you out there like me, who instinctually want to kick, scream, cry and fight- all the time and about everything; Just relax. The sooner you do, the sooner it will all work out. Promise, and no- I didn't believe it either until now.

Happy Monday.

Bring It

You know that saying "If I didn't laugh I'd cry?" Here's one for you:

Recently I have worked my fingers to the bone and body to exhaustion on a couple of events that were a wild success in every way, but still made no money. Yesterday I was stuck outside in a downpour with shelter far away as it rained cats, dogs and ferrets, this after last week being delivered a slip from the sheriffs office informing me that a guy who I was potentially going to rent a room from was taking me to court (what?!) and a woman had smashed into my car, ripping the front end off on Friday- I just laughed.

Yep. 

Laughed.

Because why? That moment when you've cried enough after life has told you to screw off a hundred times and you realize it does no good and it makes you feel worse anyway- standing drenched in a downpour, wondering how you're going to pay your rent, what you're going to say in a court debacle or how you're going to get your car un-smashed; you're still somehow a happy, proud person and believer in everything- and laughing feels just perfect.

Absolutely perfect. 

Whatcha got next world? Throw it here. I'll spit you back some sunshine:)

Gee I Wonder...

...why this book was on the clearance shelf at Barnes and Noble tonight. 

I Need To Pay My Bills...

...plus Grace Potter and the Nocturnals are pretty much just totally incredible musicians, it's going to be 80 and sunny in Wilmington, NC tomorrow, hanging out with random people is fun- especially at an amphitheater- on a lake, we're sponsored by a local micro-brewery and cold beer is delicious, not to mention we're raising money for a local nonprofit. 

Um- can you say, win, win, win, win? 

Please buy yourself a ticket at our website and get ready to rock and roll. We will be there with bells on along with 900 other people. Yeah baby! 

VERMONT GIRLS RULE.

(Yes, this is my shameless plug. Actually, there's nothing to be ashamed about loving my job and encouraging people to get out and spend a little dough so we can keep bringing awesome music and events to our cool little city to help it grow:) 

Just Wait

Sometimes when you just don't think you can wait a second longer for something to give...a minute passes and something surprises you. Or- you surprise yourself. Just when you want to give up, someone steps in your life and challenges; "Are you kidding me? Screw so and so and such and such that says you shouldn't or can't!"

Resilience. A great thing.

My friend Scott calls me Phoenix, as in- rising. I think that is awesome and flattering, but I often look forward to the day I won't have to "rise" from anything. Then again while being "there" already would be a little less exhausting, that would mean the journey and adventure would be over and that would just be boring.

Here's to fighting through the exhaustion and being able to say screw it, I'm doing it anyway.

Serenity Now

I would just like to officially announce that I am at the end of my rope. Ok, so like the end of about 6,998,873,8576 ropes. I mean seriously. The end. Not giving up, just officially feel like...well...serenity now. J*susf*ckingchr*standsh*t! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Dear Life, 

Dammnit can't something just give. Please. Just one ounce. One. 

....and back to keep trying...

Homesick

Imagine that! Both places in the NY Times travel section today are my homes! (My old ones and those close to my heart anyway.)

Here's to the R-I-C and those delish Cuban sandwiches and to the V-T and that incredible landscape. Oh how I miss you this fall.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I'm laughing because I just looked at my first post ever, exactly one year ago today. One of the lines says "Forget Starbucks for a day..." 

How funny that I am sitting in Starbucks now writing this.

Today Blue Lollipop Road turns 1. Looking back at this year, I can't help but think that if someone had told what this year was going to be- I wouldn't have believed them for all the money in the world. Wow. 

I often talk about the ride" of life and madness of it all. I get that I am the kind of person to sometimes make the ride a bit zanier than it has to be. I just can't help it. If there's one thing this past year and being able to babble my thoughts here has offered me, it's the lesson that we are what we are. Some things just never change about us each as individuals. We learn and grow some during the cycle of life. It's human nature, but there are some core things inside of us that no matter how hard we try to avoid and or run away from, always stay. This is a good thing. It's what makes the world this never ending beauty that is unexplainable and perfect. 

I am 31 years old. I've lived far away from where I grew up for 13 years. I grew up in the country in the tiniest of towns in a place where often people are lifers. My father built the house he and mom still live in when he was 18. (Yes, I know- that is wild.) Most of their neighbors have been there equal amounts of years or longer than them. One of these includes the only dentist I went to through all my years growing up. I haven't seen Dr. B in years. Since I left the hood I have traveled around the world and back, moved 6,987,435,876 times, had 8,593,9826 jobs, relationships and good times and bad. As far as I know he doesn't know about any of them other than the assumed occasional small town chatter like; "Did you know Duane and Ann's daughter is living, doing, such and such these days?" Even though I haven't seen him in years, and I could never begin to catch him up on the stories and experiences I have during that time, somehow the following is what he said just yesterday to my mother when she was getting her teeth cleaned:

"With Diane, it might be hard to hang on but it sure would be one hell of a ride."

My Mother sent me this in an email and it was the first thing I read this morning when I opened my eyes. 

What complete and perfect timing for this post. The dentist who cleaned my first tooth ever said this yesterday to my mom after years and years of not seeing me. It's the same thing people would say today and have for years. It's official; I am me and that's that. Clearly it's just never going to change. Instead of any more trying to change who I am, after this year I can finally own who I am am. It's an incredible relief after years of trying to find and fit myself into something else, when what I needed to be I have been all along.

I don't think it gets any better than finding people in life who know exactly who you are and still want to hang on for "one hell of a ride." On the other end, it is equally as incredible and rewarding to be the kind of person who can hang on to someone else's "hell of a ride." That to me on both ends is true friendship and true love. 

Here's to true friendship and true love:

Happy Birthday Blue Lollipop Road. You have been one hell of a ride. You have saved me. You have let me be me. You have given me a place to come during times when nothing else was safe or felt good. You have been my heart and soul. Most importantly you have turned out to be exactly who I wanted you to be; Truth, honesty and a place to find myself.

Dear M and B, 

While I haven't seen you for lots of years and lots of days, you are my spirit and I can feel yours. I am always hanging on to you for the one hell of a ride. I can feel you hanging on to mine too. Thank you for the true friendship, true love and for giving me this incredible gift.

Really?

Why is it so hard for people to tell you opinions or what they are thinking- even when you ask them and leave the door wide open? The kicker is when you tell someone consistently "Please let me know if such and such" and then somehow, somewhere weeks later something you have asked about previously comes out and comes back to bite you in the butt.

Lets all put our big boy and girl pants on and shoot it strait people. Lets save each other lots of time and energy....isn't life busy enough already? If there's something I am missing and it's really that hard to be honest- someone out there please explain it to me. Clearly I am crazy.

Happy Tuesday!

Hand In My Pocket

Right now I'm sitting on my floor in my new apartment (because I have no furniture) and shoveling in boxed macaroni and cheese. (Because I am starving and it was only .57 cents at the grocery store on the way home and I am broke.) As I scarf I'm watching the NBC Nightly News. Wouldn't you know the exact moment I started scarfing, the journalist on a segment about the 2.5 million American grandparents raising their grandkids holds up a box of the stuff I just made. While talking to a volunteer from a food bank that donates to these grandparents, he holds up the box and says; "What's in this box will be somebody's dinner tonight." 

Yes sir, it sure will. Mine's not from a food bank, but it serves as a belly filling dinner when it needs to and you have no money. I just stopped for a minute to look around my new home. I then looked down at my sad and unhealthy mac n' cheese boxed din din (that lets face it- really does taste delicious on occasion) and had to chuckle. I then said aloud to myself; "Well- I'm broke but I'm happy!" It reminds me of this portion of an Alanis Morissette song:

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded 

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

That's me. Totally and completely me.

It's a rainy night and pretty cold out and here I sit finally after a very long time, in my very own home again- no roommates, no sharing, no one to answer to, just in peace and quiet with a numb butt from my hardwood floor- and I love every minute of it. Peace and quiet on a floor, with very scarce belongings, eating cheap food after a year like you read about (yes- one of those overwhelming ones) and it feels just perfect to me. 

I'll get all that fancy nice furniture I had once before and probably lose it all again too because that's what happens in life. I'll likely at some point be sitting back on a floor somewhere eating mac n' cheese out of a box, simultaneously being a bit peeved, wondering to myself how the hell I got "there" on a rainy and cold night and loving every minute of it too.

I'm not afraid anymore to admit I've felt lost a lot of the time but I'm always hopeful baby.

Life Calls

Yeah- yeah- excuses excuses right?

Nope, no excuses- I've moving, working like a nut, coaching and playing and on and on and all while trying to fight the swine flu. (Kidding- but my god have I been one sick cookie! Ugh. Not fun.) The Blue Lollipop has gone ditched:( I am here though. I'm kicking it live and uncut" as my VT boys say. Dare I admit that I have hit a time in my life where I just cannot do it all?

Sigh.

This is true.

But! I have plenty of material and posting dates saved and you will see them very soon when I get through some of this other busy goodness that's going on. Promise on that because guess what!?...

BLUE LOLLIPOP ROAD TURNS 1 ON THE 16TH! My year anniversary is coming fast and furious. 

Happy weekend wherever you are. Where I am it's 88 and HOT (kind of crazy for October- but I like it) and on the flip side my pumpkin picking friends in Wisconsin just said it was SNOWING.

Huh?

Little early for that I think, but have fun B & J!

More soon...

Thanks Mom

My mother has been sending me random articles, books to read, etc. lately. Here's one I thought I'd share. Thanks Mom. I agree. Thanks.

I had to read an article for school and it talked about what will guide your success in life. The NO.1 predictive trait is perseverance, along with the ability to influence and motivate others in a sophisticated way.

Open Mouth

So if you've never heard the band Railroad Earth, live- you are totally missing out. I mean totally. They were incredible tonight at the Greenfield Lake Park Amphitheatre in Wilmington, NC.

I love music and have been to 5,789,756,987 concerts/shows and all, but have never been a big "music geek". I ashamed to admit I have not been any bit versed in who sings what/who's who, etc. in the music world yet in my lifetime.

That is now going to change.

Let's just say 5 minutes listening to these guys live tonight in an amphitheatre on a lake on a gorgeous night made me officially want to become that music geek and follow them around for the next, well- 5 years. Wow. The night couldn't have been more perfect. One hiccup; me putting my foot in my mouth. As I was running around coordinating and planning and helping, trying to make everyone happy and everything just so (my company hired them to play) a young guy walked toward me. I smiled and exclaimed; "Hey! Are you one of my volunteers?!" To which he replied; "Nope, I'm in the band!"

GULP.

I apologized, we both laughed and chatted for a few. By the end of the night Johnny (the "volunteer") the rest of the band and our crew were BFF's. These gents were just straight up cool, fun, friendly, chill guys. They all could not have been nicer. We completely worked our butts off for this show and by the end of the night I felt like I had been beaten I was so tired, but what a fun job I have! So worth it the weeks of prep.

Thanks Railroad Earth. You guys were AWESOME! 

Oh Ferret My Ferret

Saw this sign up last week. These people aren't messing around looking for their pet. Tabs with phone number to rip off and all. 

How do you lose a ferret by the way? 

She's A Pisser

Today is a day that I'd like to take a minute and say thanks to the people in my life who have stuck by, loved and always supported me. There have been certain times in my life (sometimes these are torturously lengthy times) where I have probably been...well...lets say a bit difficult. I sometimes have to stop, shake my head at myself and say; Boy am I pain and the ass. I'm lucky I have one friend let alone many. Thank god (insert friends and family members here) has never given up on me. Don't get me wrong, I think I am actually pretty stupendous. I also realize I am so far from perfect a thousand compasses wouldn't be able to lead me home. That and there is quite possibly a long list of people who love me dearly, but would often feel they'd like to choke me:) 

So! Thank you to those who have taken me for every bitty last ounce, good, bad and horribly ugly. I know that you see even though I make lots of mistakes I try so so hard at all that I do. I'm glad you've been there for the laughs, fun and easy times and when I have been a giant jack-ass and flailing idiot too. You have taken it all in stride and stuck by me never running away. I hope you know that I do notice and will always notice. I also hope you know I never have and never will give up on you either.

Here's to perfecting the art of falling flat on my face, feeling like screw up is sometimes my middle name, but also having the biggest heart in the world and having the ability to stay excited about all the possibility. To you who see these things in me, watch the rat race and never give up me- I love you guys. Thanks for understanding, knowing I only ever have the best intentions and hopping on the crazy-train to ride with me...

Triple Threat

I thought I loved Bev's Homemade before last weekend as much as I possibly could. 

Until I walked in and saw on the specials board; Nutella Gelato.

Um. Yes please.

Of course I saw the specials board after ordering what I had driven 4 hours for and was on my list to eat during the weekend; An espresso Oreo sugar cone with chocolate sprinkles. Fortunately though, as I slurped down my cone down like a 4 year old, the friendly gal behind the counter gave me a sample of the Nutella gelato too- just put me over the edge of sugary bliss

Bev herself came out from the back and started chatting with my friend and I. She's probably 65 years old and I have seen her in her little ice cream shop working 90% of the time I go. I think that is pretty cool. Who says treats don't keep you young? I guess ice cream makes everyone smile and that must make people want to keep working. Between the friendly chatter, the funky colors on the walls and overall vibe in this de-lish spot, I say the whole experience is 100% edible. If you haven't been- do yourself a favor and go get your slurp on!

Espresso, Oreo's and Nutella. Can you say heaven? The world could be falling apart around me and I'd be standing in the middle of it all just licking my lips. YUM. 

Dear Bev's,

Won't you start an ice cream of the month club? I'll be your 1st subscriber.